Elderly relative sharing family stories during an interview
Getting together with relatives sometime soon, or looking forward to a family catch up on Zoom? It's the perfect time to record more of those family stories! Find out more about the best ways to interview your relatives, how to record the stories, and much more with our in-depth guide.
Older members of the family, and those from other branches, can be a mine of information, memories and colourful clues to the past, so don’t miss the chance to ask some useful questions and learn how to interview someone about their life story.
Finding family stories - quick links
- Interview: Neil Coxon, From You to Me
- Find out more about From You to Me journals
- Ten family history interview tips
- Three things to consider before a family history interview
- How should I interview a family member? Audio or video?
- What are good family interview questions?
- What family history questions should I ask?
- Discover how to 'interview' ancestors for family stories
- Get more family history advice with the Family Tree newsletter
- Download your free 'Collect Family Stories' resources kit
ADVERTORIAL INTERVIEW: HOW TO PRESERVE FAMILY STORIES
Interview with Neil Coxon, From You to Me
For many family historians, building a family tree begins with the familiar details – names, dates and places carefully gathered from records and archives. Yet, as every genealogist eventually discovers, the most meaningful parts of family history are often the stories that never made it into the official documents.
Neil Coxon, co-founder of the Wiltshire-based publishing company FROM YOU TO ME (sponsors of this guide), has spent nearly two decades helping families capture those stories before they are lost.
Speaking to Family Tree, he explains how a personal experience with his own father inspired a business dedicated to preserving memories in handwritten journals.
Capturing the stories behind your family tree
Neil’s own family tree stretches back centuries, but it was his father Cliff who taught him the real value of family history.
“My own family tree goes back to the 15th century,” he says, “but my father always reminded me that the most powerful part of any tree isn’t the dates – it’s the stories behind the names.”
Cliff was a natural storyteller, often repeating the same tales at family gatherings. At the time, Neil admits, the family would sometimes roll their eyes when hearing them yet again. But when his father became ill, their perspective changed.
“We suddenly realised those stories were a treasure we were about to lose,” Neil recalls.
The Christmas gift that changed everything
Determined to preserve those memories, Neil and his family created a simple book of questions for Cliff to answer – printed at home and given as a Christmas gift.
“I remember giving it to him and we both had tears in our eyes,” Neil says. “He enjoyed the process of completing the questions and added drawings and photos as well.”
When the completed journal came back, Neil was overwhelmed.
“I learned so much about him and regretted that we hadn’t done it earlier in our lives.”
That emotional experience sparked an idea: perhaps other families would value the same opportunity to capture the stories of their loved ones.
From personal project to publishing success
Neil and his partner Helen approached several publishers with the idea of creating guided memory journals. The response was polite but consistent.
“Everyone said it was a great idea, but not one for them.”
Undeterred, the couple decided to publish the books themselves.
“We had plenty of commercial experience but none in publishing,” Neil says. “One of the first lessons we learned was that 2,000 books take up an entire spare bedroom!”
The early editions, journals designed for mums and dads, sold well and encouraged them to expand the range. Then came a breakthrough moment.
“We took a leap of faith and showcased them at a national trade show. To our amazement we won the Gift Association’s Gift of the Year Award in 2007. We haven’t looked back since.”
Why memories matter
For genealogists, the appeal of such journals is obvious. Documents can tell us when and where someone lived, but rarely reveal what life actually felt like.
“Our journals help build a close connection between people,” Neil explains. “You ask questions you might never normally think of asking. Conversations happen that might otherwise be missed.”
He believes family historians understand this better than most.
“We’ve all had that moment, looking at a photograph of a great-great-grandmother and wishing she could speak. Those stories are far more valuable than simply a name on a family tree.”
In fact, he sees family stories as a form of personal history just as meaningful as royal archives.
“Your grandfather’s story of surviving the Blitz or his first day at the factory is your family’s own ‘royal history’,” Neil says. “It’s the Hollywood movie of your bloodline, and it deserves to be scripted.”
How to start capturing family stories
For anyone keen to begin recording memories with relatives, Neil suggests keeping things simple.
“It’s best to start with a few evocative questions and perhaps some family photos to spark memories,” he says. “Don’t make it feel like an interrogation – just enjoy where the conversation leads.”
While digital recordings can be useful, Neil believes handwritten memories offer something unique.
“There’s something profoundly permanent and intimate about handwriting in a journal.”
Over the years, the company’s guided journals have evolved to include around 60 carefully designed questions, covering childhood memories, friendships, work, family life and personal reflections.
“The structure helps people feel comfortable sharing their stories,” he explains.
Stories worth saving
Perhaps the most powerful endorsement of memory journals comes from those who have completed them.
“The most common feedback we hear,” Neil says, “is that these journals would be the first thing someone would grab in a house fire.”
The reason is simple.
“You can replace furniture, but you can’t replace a grandmother’s handwriting. Those memories and stories really are priceless.”
A legacy still being written
As for Neil himself, his own family story continues to grow. Asked whether he has completed a journal for his daughter, he laughs.
“It’s still a work in progress – life keeps adding new chapters every day.”
Recent DNA discoveries have revealed new family connections and even a family kilt, he says, but he believes heritage isn’t about titles or coats of arms.
“You don’t really need a coat of arms to leave a legacy,” Neil says. “You just need a pen, a willing relative and the curiosity to ask: what was it really like?”
Whether in-person or online, follow our handy checklist to make the most of a family history interview and save your family stories for the future…
Ten family history interview tips
- Download your free 'Collect Family Stories' resources kit to help you think of useful questions for your relatives.
- Be prepared – make sure your biros work, your video camera is fully charged, and the tea and biscuits are to hand (and tissues too – it can be emotional!).
- Start with simple questions, to put your sitter at their ease.
- Use props to help – old photos can bring memories flooding back, as can songs, home movies, family treasures and collectables.
- Be tactful – your sitter may not wish to chat about certain topics.
- Get others involved – children and adults, they may enjoy listening to your sitter’s reminiscences too.
- Don’t worry if you don’t stick to your pre-prepared questions – you are likely to learn a lot more just by listening and you’ll get wonderful insights to your family you’ll never find in official documents, such as Births, Marriage, and Death certificates
- Don’t hurry – allow your sitter time to ponder; but equally don’t wear them out. If they enjoy the interview experience, they’re more likely to let you ask further questions in the future.
- Try to write up your notes fairly soon afterwards while it’s all fresh in your mind. You may wish to sketch out a family tree, too.
Be sure to back up your audio (or video) files, and set aside time to transcribe them in the future (ie type them up - you can use apps and AI to help you do this (eg Evernote). - Remember, to enjoy yourself - it's a real privilege, isn't it, to have someone take the time to tell you about their life and memories.
So have fun and enjoy the stories that emerge and the chance to revel in times gone by.
Three things to consider before carrying out a family history interview
Professional audio engineer Thomas Blakemore shares his top tips on how to make sure your meeting allows the interviewee to tell their stories with enjoyment, enhancing your family history…
Interviewing someone to gather recollections and stories doesn’t have to be complex and overly involved; the point is to do it while these memories are still available.
Read on for three things to consider before you go ahead:
Set a goal for your interview
The first step in any successful interview is to have a plan.
Ask yourself, “Why am I speaking to this person and what do I hope to learn?”
Make notes of the major topics you would like to discuss.
Try to not make this list of topics too broad; having someone tell the story of their entire life in one sitting is asking a lot.
It’s much better to discuss one or two topics in greater detail per interview session than it is to get a more generalised idea of a wide range of topics.
Select your interview kit
The choice of recording equipment is up to you and your budget, and before setting your strategy for the interview you’ll have to make the decision if the interview will be videotaped or recorded on audio only.
Don’t get too distracted by choosing what gear you’re going to need to start this process; for both video and audio you can use your smartphone, tablet or other device you may already have. You may want to invest in a relatively inexpensive tripod or stand to hold your device still if video recording.
If solely recording audio you can just place the smartphone between you and your interviewee.
Be prepared
Arrange to do the interview in a comfortable environment that is free of excess noise and distractions and at a time of your subject’s choosing.
Before the interview, make sure you are familiar with your recording device and that it is fully charged (if it is battery operated, have spare batteries with you). And record at the highest quality you can; you can always compress the audio files at a later date for sharing with others.
Text extracted from an in-depth series on preserving your family's oral history in Family Tree, 2023.
How should I interview a family member? Audio or video?
This is a great question. It depends on how comfortable you and your interviewee are with either option.
If you are both at ease in front of the camera, go for video, for the maximum record - allowing you and future members of your family to both see and hear the person being interviewed.
However, audio can be excellent for those who prefer not to be on camera. It's much more discreet. They won't have a camera pointing at them. Instead your audio recording device (your voice notes app on your mobile is fine) can simply sit next to them, and within a few moments of starting to recount memories and answer your questions they will very likely have forgotten it's there.
Do be sure that your interviewee knows that you are recording them - do not do so without them being aware of this however.
Three further tips on conducting the interview:
- Be sure to check your recording device every now and then, to ensure that the recording is working fine. There's nothing worse than a rookie error, such as having forgotten to press record, or the device running out of power etc.
- Consider recording the interview in sections. This can make for much easier editing for you later on. This is particularly so if recording video as the files can get quite large. Recording in sections will help you navigate to the relevant question more easily. It also means that if the file corrupts for some reason, you have not lost your entire interview.
- Make notes as you go. You can do this simply with pencil and paper. Your notes may include:
- further questions you'd like to ask
- photos to accompany an anecdote the interviewee has related
- clarification of details such as names, dates, places and events
- topics covered in that section of the interview
What are good family interview questions?
- Try to avoid questions that can be answered with a Yes/No - you want a fuller answer than that, you want the conversation to flow too.
- To help encourage fuller answers, try using question words 'Who? Why? What? Where? When? How?. You'll be amazed how they help!
- Questions on a theme can really encourage a deeper, richer set of answers: for instance, talk about their pets, hobbies, food, wartime...
- Encourage your interviewee that their story is interesting - even every day things are gems of detail in time to come.
Allow the interviewee to take the conversation down avenues you may not have expected - it's their story, so allow them to share what's important to them.
- As to the topics, ask about things you are genuinely interested in. Ask fellow family members for ideas of what they'd like to learn too.
Popular topics include:- Relationships - when and how did they meet their spouse/partner?
- Times of strife - what was it like during the war? Why did they move home?
- Childhood - we all have evocative memories of when we were little, and these stories will provide context to your relative's life
- Global events - our older relatives will have stories of remarkable moments in history, how did it affect them? What did they think at the time?
- Lastly try and encourage them to talk about what's true to them, not simply sticking to the topics that they feel others may like to hear about.
What family history questions should I ask?
While the aim of your interview may be to record anecdotes, family stories, colourful details that you won't find in the official records, there are some really useful things to ask with regard to family history too.
- Names, dates, places and events DO matter - don't interrupt your interview while they're in the flow, but do make a note while they're talking, and ask them for people's full names, the dates of events etc at a convenient point in the conversation or at the end.
- Certificates and other sources DO matter - as a family historian you know the value of an original document and the precious clues it holds about your ancestors. Ask your interview about any family papers, certificates, old photographs etc they may have. They may not realise how fascinating and useful these may be to you and you don't want to miss out on an opportunity to see such things.
Don't just interview family; discover how to 'interview' ancestors for family stories
Professional Genealogist and Researcher Susie Douglas provides some top advice to help you approach your research from a brand new angle. It will not be what you expect, but it can lead to truly fascinating end results...
Framing questions around existing knowledge creates a family history that any reader will relate to and enjoy. Especially when combined with context that is relevant to place and period.
Most ancestors won’t have left diaries, correspondence, or had books written about them. But voices from the past are everywhere, hidden in plain sight, in books, old documents, newspapers, etc. For example, vast numbers of people worked the land as hinds [an old word for farm servant or farm worker], shepherds and agricultural labourers.
An agricultural labourer’s answer to a question about his cottage in 1867 at Lanton, Northumberland, might read:
There was only one room and for want of space, we kept the coals at the door. There were no ‘necessaries’ but there was a pigsty and place for a cow.
Use questions to challenge your research and put yourself on the spot… as if you were interviewing this ancestor face to face.
The ['imaginary'] interview or Q&A with a deceased ancestor is a method and style I will use again and again. It is also helpful for creating a focus and framework for questioning the living.
Top tips on interviewing ancestors:
- Limit the number of questions to 5 or 6
- Limit writing time to 45 minutes to an hour
- Keep the context accurate to place and period
- Have fun!
[While Susie imagines the responses that her long-gone ancestors may have given, she bases their responses in detailed research - scouring the historical records and wider background reading - to gain as full and accurate an understanding of her ancestors' lives as possible.]
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Ten interview tips, originally published December 2021. Reviewed 29 July 2025.
Susie Douglas MLitt. QG, runs Borders Ancestry, offering a qualified, experienced, and professionally accredited historical research service for the UK, specialising in the Scottish Borders, Northumberland and Durham. (Originally published November 2021).
About the author of 'Three things to consider before carrying out a family history interview'
Thomas Blakemore has worked for more than 40 years as an audio engineer, supervising sound editor, educator and author. He has specialized in sound for film and television, and his editing and mixing work has appeared on virtually all of the major US broadcast outlets, as well as a large number of feature films and documentaries. He is a past member of the Motion Picture Sound Editors guild and the Audio Engineering Society. Thomas lives in Chicago, Illinois.